A blog post by Elena, the Founder of Pepetoe.
Welcome to a brand new series here on Pepetoe, all about my hockey journey, the ups and downs, and everything in between!
If you’ve come here from TikTok, this is probably the part you haven’t seen yet. Because hockey, for me, has never just been hockey. It’s been something I’ve loved, hated, relied on, lost, and eventually found my way back to again.
And I don’t think I’ve ever actually told the full story…
So, here goes nothing!!!
How It Started
Turns out I actually HATED hockey when it first came into my life. Honestly, I’m not kidding, and that may come a surprise to most of you. I started playing hockey when I was 8, after moving to a private school where it was a core part of the sports timetable, and so everyone played, we had to play. But I hated it.
I was so tiny when I was younger, so standing out in the cold, my hands numb from the minus temperatures, running around aimlessly… I really hated it. I wasn’t good at it, it was just something I had to do.
But then, just before I moved up into secondary school, I suddenly LOVED it. I don’t know if it was confidence, or just giving it more of a chance, but I suddenly realised… I actually enjoyed it. And more than that, I was good at it. I remember vividly (and thanks mum for this), that when I went into secondary school, my mum told me to not expect to be in the A, B or even C team, as the year group size doubled or more, with a lot more girls stepping up. But the magic was that in that first Saturday game… I was captain of the B team! So, yeah, I think it was confidence and giving that opportunity to do something with it. And I grew and grew.
I started playing both for school and club, and before I knew it, hockey became a huge part of my life. I was training and playing up to five times a week. Matches, training, everything. It wasn’t just something I did anymore, it was something I cared about. And being good at it really helped.
The Player I Became
It wasn’t just that I was decent at the sport. It was more that I grafted so hard to get those opportunities that I did. Playing in county tournaments, to regionals and then nationals. Captaining teams. Helping others grow too. I wasn’t naturally good at the sport AT ALL, which is evident by the fact I despised hockey for so long. I worked hard to be good at it. I stayed late. Never missed any training, and was always the first one to turn up to a game.
Back then, I always played centre mid, which basically meant I had to run. A lot. I was constantly moving, constantly involved, rarely coming off the pitch. I never really got subbed, and I think a big part of that was because I could read the game so well. I knew where to be, what was happening, how things were flowing, and how my other teammates played. It really became second nature.
By the time I was 16/17, I was playing in my school’s first U18 team and captaining the second team, which was such a big moment for me. It felt like everything I’d built up to. Hockey had gone from something I hated to something that genuinely felt like a part of who I was.
But then the pandemic hit. And it took that love away for quite some time.
After that, I carried on playing at Warwick Uni, where I was in the second team and even played varsity in my first year, which was such a highlight and something I was so grateful for after not playing due to COVID.
But after uni, things changed. Life got busy, priorities shifted, and hockey slowly just… stopped. And then there were even more years that passed where I didn’t play at all.
The Part I Didn’t See At The Time
This is something that I’ve not really shared on my TikTok, but something that is so so important to tell you all. Looking back now, I can also see something else that was happening alongside hockey, something I didn’t fully understand at the time.
My relationship with exercise wasn’t healthy.
There were signs I probably should’ve noticed earlier. I’d get upset if I was subbed off because it meant I was doing less exercise. If I was injured, I’d still try to play. I was training constantly, playing multiple matches a week. And over time, that mindset grew into something more serious.
My eating disorder took something I loved and turned it into something else. Hockey stopped being about enjoyment, or the team, or the game. It became another way to punish my body.
And that’s when I lost it. Not physically, but emotionally. And I look back now and almost want to hold that girl that ended up having her main love stripped away from her, leaving her completely lost and chained to her eating disorder and punishing her body in so many ways.
So, the fact that hockey came back to me is incredibly close to my heart, and what you really don’t see on TikTok. Because it’s not just about the idea that I didn’t play for years. It’s the reason why I didn’t play for years.
Coming Back to Hockey (And What It Meant)
Last summer, everything changed. A family friend invited me to join some summer training sessions for the Pershore Men’s Team, my local club. And at the time, I didn’t overthink it, I just went. Playing a bit of hockey with 6 of us there, smashing some balls around, getting used to drills again, even playing along side my twin sister (who used to also play, and a GK too!), some friends, and even dragging along my boyfriend at the time who never played before!
Suddenly, I was back. Playing again. Training again. Feeling it all again. But this time, it felt different.
The league has changed to an “open league,” meaning women can play in the men’s teams, and before I knew it, I was properly part of it. There’ll be a lot more posts about what playing in a men’s team as the only girl in the league looked like (and there’s a lot to unpack there).
Honestly, though, going back to hockey felt like taking something back. Back from my ED. Back from a version of me that had lost the joy in it.
It felt like a quiet win in my recovery, where I wasn’t playing to punish myself anymore. I was playing because I wanted to. And I felt so proud of that.
This season hasn’t been perfect. I’m nowhere near the standard I used to be, and playing with a bunch of 6-foot-tall blokes who used to play for England or trying out for the O40s teams has been a bit intimidating. But they’ve helped me grow, and accepted me as one of their own, which in itself has been a huge highlight of this year.
There have been a lot of injuries as well, probably more than I’d like to admit. The biggest one being my meniscus tear, which has forced me to slow down more than I’m used to. And if I’m honest, that’s been frustrating. But also… necessary.
Right now, I’m in a bit of a reset phase. Rest, recovery, and trying to look after my body properly, especially with a half marathon coming up next month (because apparently I don’t do things half-hearted!). Whether I can do that or not, we’ll see in May, but for now we’re taking a break from all things exercise, and learning to lean into rest during the off-season.
We do also have summer league coming up, which always used to be my favourite part of the season! Late night mid-week games, a few pints afterwards, no one taking it too seriously. It’s a whole lot of fun. But I think I’ll be starting on the sidelines, cheering my team on with this injury! And we also have hockey tour with my Sunday mixed team right around the corner too, which will be even more fun…!
Why I Started Posting This Online
You’ve all seen that viral video of me smashing balls in my back garden, letting out all the emotions of my breakup. This was the very first time I ever posted anything about hockey online, and it was merely 6-seconds long, to a trending audio, that I never thought would take off. But it did, and I tapped into that niche, and look where I am now! Sponsored by the wonderful team at Crow Hockey, taking my tripod to matches or dragging my parents along to film content for me. Sharing my mistakes and wins with the world!
What’s made it so amazing is that I’ve made a real community out of this. I already had a community here on the Pepetoe side of things, but when I could tap into a whole other world of people, I took the chance. And that explains the rebrand entirely, because I want this space to be for everyone, from all the sides of me, whether that’s hockey or whether that’s the self-worth and discovery side of things.
I also think that there are so many people who connect with this side of things. Not just the sport, but the feelings behind it. The pressure, the identity, the ups and downs. So instead of keeping my hockey life separate to my blog, I want to start sharing it properly. Not just the highlights. But the reality. Because “elenaoverfield.com” is about who I am, every part of it. So, it’s no wonder I want to start sharing everything on here!
In this new series, and on my hockey page, you can expect to find lots of different content. From the confidence hockey gave me, to the pressure and the body image side of things, the highs, the lows, and everything in between. There’ll be some humour pieces in here too… like why the F**K I play for a men’s team, and those mistakes I’ve had along the way!
So, thank you for being here and supporting this journey. Each and every one of you has made this happen!
Signing off,
Elena, your hockey gal xox
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